Today while at work, I was listening to music in the background when I heard the song entitled Little Wonders by Rob Thomas. The melody and the words hit me on an emotional level and for a minute or so I just gazed at the many pictures I have of Jillian on my wall as tears welled up in my eyes. It was three years ago this month in which she began her transition. This time of year definitely makes me contemplative, and somber, reflecting on the special years we had with Jillian and looking for new and exciting ways to strengthen my eternal relationship with her. The words of the song are poignant to say the least. I am sure I have heard this song many times before, but the lyrics never really hit me the way they did today, framed with memories of Jillian. Here they are….
let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels
our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain
let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we’ll get by,
it's the heart that really matters in the end
our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain
all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now
in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away but these small hours
these small hours, still remain,
still remain
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels
our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain
let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we’ll get by,
it's the heart that really matters in the end
our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain
all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now
in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away but these small hours
these small hours, still remain,
still remain
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain
Of course everyone will have their own interpretation of these lyrics, but as I have thought about them, the ideas and words that stand out the most are those I have highlighted. I have written about this before, but the idea seems engraved in my mind and memories. Embrace the simple. Enjoy the moment.
I often think of the very simple yet special things that we did with Jillian that she loved so much. Nothing too complicated. As much as I tried to make things complex and exciting (more for my own selfish reasons of wanting to have a ‘normal’ life), she truly embraced the simple and pure enjoyment of the little wonders of life – the small hours. My idea of a day at the beach was one full of sandcastles, picnic baskets, and sunburns. I can say that never really happened. But what did happen was Jillian’s idea. It was much simpler – consisting of a short ride on daddy’s back while the wind swept across her face, and a few moments of running her toes through the sand. Finished. Time to go home. A special memory that is now etched permanently and deeply in my heart and mind – a small hour that I will never forget.
How much better can life really get? Fully experiencing the moment or embracing an hour without societal pressures or unrealistic self-imposed expectations. It’s a challenging proposition to try and live this way on a regular basis. But what if for an hour or even a few minutes each day we made a point to wholeheartedly embrace and experience that time-frame. I regret that I didn’t understand this lesson earlier from Jillian. I know that she was trying to teach me this from day one. My own ignorance, ‘simple-mindedness’ and ego prevented me from doing so. But as I strive to implement this lesson and gain more clarity about truly experiencing each day as it comes, my hope is to make Jillian proud of me. As Rob Thomas says, “our lives our made in these small hours, these little wonders.”
